ambivalence

...it seems to creep up on a guy like when you walk up the sidewalk and see some object in your path far ahead and take little notice as you are bouncing the near term life events around what seems to be a small calvarium with contents bearing quite a smooth content...and, there it is, under your gaze, being as it were above her gaze (or is it a herat?) and the insane urge to step on it like you do with the kitchen ants is quelled by uncertainty.

The uncertainty of rats' climbing capacity (you see old home movies of coconut willie scampering up a palm downing fruit delighting guests at the Hawaiian Village all with a view of Diamond Head), or rather the void left in that place where you look to find out just what you are doing, and especially where you are going. You have a flash of the police response when you revive and your inability to answer those self same queries. That settles it; no loss of consciousness is permitted. Under these circumstances, it behooves a person of substance to formulate a keen plan. And, 'tis a puzzlement (briefly viewing Yul Brynner gesturing with grace to Deborah Kerr in song).

Are all the days of our lives truly this way? Does everyone dwell in a never-ending hodge-podge of varietal scenes. It comes to mind (yes, my "smooth" brain) it may very well be unique to the chosen few. As a lifetime member of my group, it is now clear to me this muddle is not universal. Can it be? Surely not, inasmuch as it would place me squarely in the midst of the mundane masses. Ask anyone, I am simply not plain vanilla.

So, you ask (I see your finger approaching the "del" key with your other hand attempts to hold your wrist at bay like Peter Sellers avoiding the Roman salute in Dr. Strangelove: or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the Bomb) why any normal person, a charter member of the masses, the mundane, the hoi polloi, would disregard the admonition en tete this page and read on. To that end, I visualize nothing more.

***sadly, there will be more to come when I feel like it...